Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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