btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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