She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
