Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
