I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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