remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
