you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
