I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
