you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize