i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
