Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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