Ketchup is God's man juice
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
