He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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