shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
