Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize