If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
