Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
