Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i think i just lost a toe
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
