The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
