Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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