We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
