doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
