if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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