She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
