Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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