eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
