I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize