She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
