I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
