my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
