4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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