WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
