Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
