he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
