I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
