if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
