what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
