So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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