i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
