I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
