According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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