yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Farmville is her only friend.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
