I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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