I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
