protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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