i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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