Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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