i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
