carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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