What did we do last night that was yellow?
I look better un-naked...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
