Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
