idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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