you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
