I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
