Will you blow on my dice?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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