Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone came in the potted fern
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
