i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
