As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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