that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
