i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
