he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
