My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize