hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
