i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
