apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
