Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize