I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
